Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re -attaches it. (But that
part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it
tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds
you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
SPRINT VIRUS: Every three minutes, you
hear a pin drop out of your machine.
YUGOSLAVIA VIRUS: Almost immediately fragments
into several autonomous parts. Then it violently tries to reassemble
itself for the next 150
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus
does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once
if by LAN, twice if by
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls
itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless
of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
first see a
counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component
in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great
virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates
and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Goes into your spellchecker
and updates the word "Potatoe"
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works,
but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot
of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds
of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of
which claim to
be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs
infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time.
(plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't"
whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger
than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes
out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks
up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half
blaming the other side for the
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Tries to have you
removed as the rightful owner of the computer, even though everybody
else wants you to be the owner.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your
data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed
with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow
and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and
service stations across rural
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless
you buy new cables, powersupply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never
be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut
down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all
on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in
places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for
a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly
stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds
to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50
machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened
by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent
mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you
don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back.