ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing,
we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think
the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter
(and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we
have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? Again,
this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that
all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment
we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just
much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's
some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick
look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack
this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring
as much as we can.
DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make
him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public
is just an added bonus.
DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? We like
to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? You'd learn to keep
your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get
into trouble with your partner.
DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? Well, we
don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's
the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing
in so much of the world nowadays. Farting is another fun
thing for men!!
CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it
so hard to understand that men and women are different?
How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no
idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme
emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot,
we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache
whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please ... How many hours do you think there is in a day?
We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides
women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men ...
Men hunters ... Need go roam ... Starve in cave ... Must
go find wildebeest ... Now sitting on our asses for hours
on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR BUTTS ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed
by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods
of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it
was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods
of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters
were able to sit very still for very extended periods of
time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The
fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers
etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born
with this innate ability.
CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient.
To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we
need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's
not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho ... Aren't you special? Well, some men think
it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly,
it actually still works quite well.
DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? We just simply
don't have the energy to answer every single one of your
questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that
you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and
save the energy for other things.
WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Why
should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides,
we know darn well you'll pick it up.
WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? This usually
only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let
you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or
not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding
it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? It's an evolutionary thing.
Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it,
and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to
look at things we have no intention of killing? Err ...
This On To All Your Friends!