Do
not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always.
Make
them apologize for everything.
Always
bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or
decades ago, or with other boyfriends.
Look
them in the eye and start laughing.
Demand
to be called or e-mailed often. Whine when they don't comply.
Get
mad at them for everything. Cry.
Discuss
your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
Stash
feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute
reminders that you were thinking of them.
When
complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
Make
them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
Plan
little relationship anniversaries, like "the monthly anniversary of
the time you saw each other in the library and exchanged that little
look". Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
Be
late for everything. Yell if they're late.
Gather
many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present.
Sing all the words. Sing loud.
Criticize
the music they listen to.
Constantly
claim you're fat. Ask them if you are. Then cry, regardless of their
answer.
Try
to get them to dance when they don't want to.
Ignore
them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know,
you're not going to tell them.
Whenever
there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand
up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one
freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider
yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well,
actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to
see you standing up there all by yourself."
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